The word ‘essay’ comes from the French word essayer, meaning ‘to try.’ In our Grade 8 unit on essays, we are trying to express our opinions with clarity and good reasoning. As noted in the last post on the blog, we started with a practice OSSLT essay on homework, and then we worked on selecting the perfect candidate for a Giraffe Award.
We’ve completed our Giraffe Award Essays and it’s clear that we’ve made good progress in our understanding of what an essay is and how to write an effective opinion essay.
We’ve learned that a good essay:
- has an introduction that grabs the readers attention, introduces the topic, and clearly states the opinion of the author (THESIS STATEMENT)
- has body paragraphs that each focus on ONE REASON for the opinion
- each body paragraph starts with a topic sentence, provides lots of evidence, explains how the evidence supports the reason, and provides a transition to the next paragraph
- has a conclusion that sums up the reasoning for the opinion, restates the thesis using a different sentence, and often has a ‘call to action‘ in which the author asks or invites the reader to do something to support the opinion
The following 2 essays are examples of effective and well-written Giraffe Award essays. In terms of structure and content, they contain the kinds of elements that make an opinion essay effective.
I’ve asked permission to use the authors’ names. I have also used the colour coding you see above to show you how these students used all of the aspects of a good essay effectively.
Don’t forget that a good essay also uses correct and fluid sentence structures (some long, some short, varied beginnings, etc.), a dazzling vocabulary, correct spelling, and so on. The effective use of all of these elements – structure, content, and form, certainly made the following essays, clear, easy to read, and persuasive.
The Giraffe Award
Andrew
The Giraffe award isn’t just handed to anyone. It is given to someone with a great amount of bravery and selflessness. The award winner must be brave enough to take a personal risk that could make their own life miserable. While causing a healing effect and making others’ lives better in some way. As well, their outstanding act must be something they were not assigned and trained to do. A winner is not easy to pick, but one candidate stands out with courageousness and humbleness. I think the most well deserving winner is Ray Proffitt. Proffitt is trying to protect the Delaware river by cleaning out the disgusting waste. Ray Proffitt takes cruises along the Delaware river. He notices for any trouble such as, sewage spilling, chemical spills and industrial waste dumps and does his absolute best at trying to clean it up. Proffitt met all the criteria and did a great thing for the world. Not only did Proffitt save a river, he also saved the lives of many people and animals.
Ray Proffitt has changed many future lives. He has done this by cleaning the river and preventing people from possibly getting sick from the waste in the river. If he didn’t clean the dirty water, there was a chance that people’s lives might have been gloomy. Proffitt has done everything from the heart and is not looking for any fame or money. He says, “I don’t do this for the money, I do it for the river.” It shows that Proffitt is genuinely a nice guy and is cleaning the waste out of the water just to save the river. This just shows that he is trying to do everything he can do to save the river. It shows how determined he is to heal everything the polluters have done.
Ray Proffitt has put himself in risk in many ways. He has done many things to possibly make his life terrible. He has had a physical, financial and a social risk. All these risks that he has taken were all for the river. He took a physical risk by diving and working in the contaminated water. He could have gotten ill and seriously hurt from the toxins that were in the water. It was very dangerous and risky for his own life. He has had a financial risk by covering all costs out of his personal funds. He paid for things like vehicles, photography and more. Also, Proffitt had to pay for court cases. He could have lost a lot of money and most likely has. He has taken a social risk by making himself look like he’s doing something wrong. Proffitt looks like a bad guy in many people’s eyes. Most people will lean toward a big and powerful company over a small individual. So, most people probably believe that the companies are doing the right thing or aren’t doing anything wrong. Ray Proffitt has taken many personal risks for the river and the lives of others. He has done countless things and he wasn’t even asked to do them.
I think it is fair to say that Ray Proffitt has gone way past his job description. He has done so much for the river without even being asked to by anyone. Proffitt is known by many as “the river vigilante” because he has decided to clean the river without legal authority. Proffitt was certainly not asked to clean the river and in some ways what he is doing is illegal. Proffitt is not trained to do what he is doing and is doing way more than he needs to do as a normal citizen. A person shouldn’t have to do something for a town if it is not their job. If the town water comes from the river, it is the township’s job to clean it. Not Ray Proffitt’s. Proffitt has covered all expenses and is doing all of it by himself by diving in the river.
Ray Proffitt is an inspiration and he motivates’ me to do things beyond the call of duty and pursue what is right for the world! Ray Proffitt has done great things for the world and has put his neck out for others. That’s exactly what a Giraffe award winner is expected to do and that is why Ray Proffitt is a well deserving winner. He has taken many risks for others and was determined to clean the river. Proffitt was not expected to clean the river by anyone and yet he still did. In my opinion Proffitt deserves the award and much more. The world is lucky to have someone like him.
The Giraffe Award
Austin
The Giraffe Award is only for the most courageous, the people who, “stick their necks out for the common good.” To win this prestigious award, you must first meet a set of criteria. Firstly, you must take risks. These risks can either be financial, physical, or social. Secondly, there must be some sort of healing effect form the acts the recipient has performed. Thirdly, their actions must go beyond their job description. If a person meets all three of these specific criteria, they are eligible for the Giraffe Award! Ray Proffitt, also known as “the river vigilante,” is one extraordinary guy who checks all the boxes. He takes the risks, heals the world, and above all that, it is not even his job! Proffitt is the protector of the river and is 100% deserving of the award. I believe the Giraffe Award will soon belong to Ray Proffitt and I am going to tell you why.
Ray Proffitt takes all kinds of risks. Physical risks, financial risks, and social risks. While doing his part to clean the Delaware river, Ray Proffitt has taken many physical risks. He regularly goes out on the river looking for danger. He searches for sewage spilling through drain pipes, chemical spills, asphalt and garbage. Proffitt does not stop there, he personally cleans out the harmful substances, which could kill him, and he traces the harmful substances back to their sources. That leads me to my next point. Proffitt takes on a heavy social liability. After finding the source of the sewage and garbage, he files lawsuits to ensure that they stop polluting the environment. When he takes the defendants to court to sue, they surely must not like him anymore, making him a social outcast. That has happened many times to Ray Proffitt from suing towns, companies, and even the U.S Attorney General! With Proffitt having entire towns against him, he is not the most popular person and he sacrificed his social status to save the marvelous river. Ray Proffitt also takes financial risks when saving the environment. His evidence in court, the photographs taken with his cameras, come out of personal funds. Also, the vehicles he uses to search for pollution, take photos with, and maintain the river with, come out of personal funds. Finally, the lawyers and court costs come out of his personal funds. Not only is Ray Proffitt deserving of the giraffe Hero Award for his perpetual risk taking, he also deserves it for his healing of the water, wildlife, wilderness, and healing of the world.
Ray Proffitt’s actions are always in favor of healing the environment and saving the world. He helps to make water safe to drink by cleaning up industrial sewage spills, garbage and other harmful substances. He also heals the environment by showing big companies the pollution they are causing, by showing towns the remnants society can leave behind, and enforcing the change of their ways in order to keep the world clean. He heals the wildlife by providing safe, clean drinking grounds for the animals to thrive and not risk becoming endangered or extinct. In the big picture, Ray Proffitt contributes to healing the world by helping to stop pollution that could cause global warming and by providing clean drinking water for people to drink or for animals to drink. Ray Proffitt has demonstrated many acts of healing that benefit the entire world. Even though it was not his job and was never expected of him he did those things out of goodwill and selflessness. He went beyond the call of duty and that is another reason why he is deserving of the Giraffe Hero Award.
It was never Ray Proffitt’s job to do his best in protecting the Delaware River, for all we know he does not even have a job but none the less he dedicates an endless amount of time to protect something he cares for. He was not expected to risk his life for the river and went beyond the call of duty by not only cleaning up the water pollution but also tracing it back to the source. Proffitt also went beyond the call of duty when nobody as willing to represent him in court cases so he represented himself, proving he would never back down for what was right. Furthermore, after winning court cases, Ray Proffitt could have kept the money but alternatively went beyond the call of duty and reimbursed his money into continuing to protect the Delaware River.
The Giraffe Hero award is a huge accomplishment to anyone who receives it and a great way to encourage people to do good deeds. Ray Proffitt performers good deeds in various ways and would be a perfect recipient for this renowned award. Not only has he done countless deeds for the environment but was told by no one and expected by no one to do so. He has risked his life countless times, he has risked his social life, risked all his money to heal and salvage the Delaware River. Ray Proffitt must win the Giraffe Hero Award because he has done more than anyone could have expected and has accomplished more than any person ever could have. In my opinion Ray Proffitt has the longest neck of any giraffe.
Right now in Grade 8, we are researching topics that are important to us personally. We have identified our opinions on these topics and we are in the midst of doing some formal research on them using the Virtual Learning Commons databases. Students are NOT allowed to just google their topics. The VLC houses many reliable websites that offer quality information on our topics. If students have difficult finding information on their topic, they should email me ASAP, and I will help them identify good articles.
Our focus right now is in reading and taking notes IN OUR OWN WORDS on our independent research topics. When we have sufficient information to support our opinion, we will be writing formal essays – like the Giraffe Award essay – on our independently researched topics. Students need to remember that these are OPINION PIECES and not just INFORMATION PIECES (or expository essays). They must provide the same elements as described above.
We will be reading many opinion pieces in the near future, and hopefully students will show even more growth when they complete these final researched opinion pieces.
